Off to College: Navigating Family Structure Changes
Our oldest just launched into college, and as the first of five children, her absence has brought some big changes to our household. Being the oldest, she held a significant role in our daily rhythm—both practically and relationally.
High school seniors often spend much of their last year outside the home, which does ease the transition a little. But no matter how you prepare, when move-in day arrives, the shift is immediately felt by everyone in the family.
As we’ve walked through this season, I’ve noticed a few things about the ripple effect on the family—especially among siblings. While parents usually anticipate what’s coming and have been preparing emotionally over time, younger siblings are often caught off guard. For them, it can feel like a sudden loss. Here are a few ways to help care for your other children when one heads off to college.
1. Name the Losses
As parents, we’ve had the college countdown marked on the calendar for months. Our kids? Not so much. In fact, most kids in the summer don’t know what day it is, let alone how many days remain before a sibling moves out.
Help them become aware of the timeline. A wall calendar, a visual countdown, or even regular reminders can prepare their hearts for the transition. With younger children especially, repeating the plan is helpful: “Sister and I are driving to college on this day. You’ll start school the next day.”Giving them advance notice provides time to process what’s coming rather than being blindsided.
2. Talk About the Family Structure Changes
The dinner table feels different with one chair empty. There’s one less driver in the house, one less voice in daily conversations, and possibly one less helper with chores. For us, when our oldest left, it even meant a change in our after-dinner cleanup routine—something that was surprisingly hard on our youngest child. She now had to do chores!
Even bedrooms shift. Maybe a child now has their own space, or perhaps you convert that newly empty room into something else. Whatever the change, talk about it openly as a family. Acknowledging both the losses and the opportunities helps everyone adjust. Some transitions will be smooth, and others might feel uncomfortable for a while—and that’s okay.
3. Facilitate Ongoing Relationships
Siblings are used to daily contact—whether as playmates, companions, or even sparring partners. When that suddenly disappears, it can leave a gap. Encourage one-on-one communication between siblings who are now apart.
For older kids with phones, suggest calls or texts to stay connected. For younger children who don’t have devices, help them set up video calls or even good old-fashioned “pen pal” letters. Scheduling small, intentional moments of connection keeps those sibling bonds strong and helps ease the feelings of distance.
Final Thoughts
Sending a child to college is an emotional milestone for parents, but it’s often just as impactful—sometimes even more so—for siblings. Younger children may not yet have the language to name what they’re feeling, and that’s where we, as parents, can guide them.
Sibling relationships can be among the most life-giving connections we experience. With a little intentionality, we can help our children not only adjust to the changes but also discover new ways to grow closer to each other, even across the miles.